This morning I interviewed at Duke Healthcare's Durham Regional Hospital for a nursing position in the Emergency Department. I almost couldn't believe my ears yesterday when the nurse recruiter called and said--and I quote--"are you ready to rock n' roll?" Andrew and I spent last evening strategizing and mock-interviewing. I would consider Andrew and interview expert--from Moorehead to Med school, he knows how to work a crowd. It was definitely a whirlwind, but in a way it was almost better to have less than 24 hours between the phone call and the interview--that way I didn't really have time to get super nervous. I was nervous, though, there's no arguing that. I was sweating like a dog and trying not to cough, or sneeze or gross them out anymore than I probably already was. I'm sure there was a mad-dash for the hand sanitizer as soon as I quit the premises. Anyhow, I should find out soon about the job. You'll be reading about it, I can promise you that.
If this really is the end, the end of this turbid, uncomfortable, stretching, pulling, fertilizing portion of my life, I really can say that I have learned. so. much. A hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. Proverbs 13:12. I have experienced the aching frustration over not having a nursing job. But is has it really been not having a job? Or has it been not being in control, or not having everything work out for me on my time table? Or has it been letting my pride fall down? When we are told to wait by the God of the Universe, some of us have a hard time sitting still and not crossing our eyes and sticking our tongues out at him when he turns his back to his pupils and begins to scrawl on the chalkboard--Yours Truly included. And waiting is one thing, patiently waiting is a whole different ball of wax. Something I heard in a sermon recently really put things in perspective. I truly believe that God is constantly working on our hearts, our attitudes, our spiritual fruit--not our bank accounts, our calendars, etc. Not to say that he doesn't care--just stay with me. If you're not okay before _______, you won't be okay after ________. (Obviously you can fill in the blank as needed). In my case, God was prompting me that if I wasn't okay before being hired, I would not be okay after being hired. If my identity is not in Him, I will always feel inadequate. If my joy doesn't come from Him, I will never feel truly happy. If my security doesn't come from Jehovah Jireh, the Lord our Provider, I will always want more and be scared of being without.
So that's what I've learned. That, and a thousand other things. So, Thanksgiving is in a few days, and we're going to Hendersonville. My parents are meeting us there on Thursday to carve the turkey and stuff ourselves silly. Hopefully, I won't cough all over everyone, and it will be a cheerful affair. I'm pretty excited about the culinary delights on the horizon. Mashed potatoes and gravy. Turkey and stuffing and cranberry chutney. Sweet potato anything. Pumpkin bars. Mmmmmm. It will be different than having the five Smiths crammed in the kitchen cooking and baking all together, only to flop down at the table and devour the feast before us in less than half an hour. I have great memories of Thanksgiving during my childhood. Delicious food--with leftovers, playing games or watching Little Women with the fam, getting our Christmas tree and getting all of the decorations out of the attic. That, and my mom forcing us to go around the table saying what we're thankful for. And all of us trying to be honest without feeling cheesy. So, in light of that, I will go ahead and divulge my list of thanks:
First and foremost, and the most obvious and important circumstance to give thanks for: Jesus, sweet Jesus who gave his life that I may have eternal life
My incredible husband who has committed his life to mine and who is a prayer warrior, a people-lover, and a Christ-follower. For his love for me that is only surpassed by his love for Jesus.
My family and dear friends who have held up my arms in battle, who have taught me to love, laugh, try, try again, sing, dance, dream, and pray.
My college education and the beautiful campus that I roamed for four years. For Lever 9A4, The 'Houn and its drama, the Ridge and its beautiful residents. For purple and white scrubs that were completely see-through when it rained. For the 1-2-3-4 and cadence count. For the most exciting 25 seconds of college football. For the Pleez-u and Palms. For tea time. For FCA and doing two loads of laundry in hopes of a spectacular outfit. For Hilton Head and the bridge run. For bunk beds and cake cookies. For monthly CDs of the soundtrack of our lives. For Ancheaux and lying on the floor to recover. For Target runs. For giant paper mache eggs. For purple and orange being dominant colors in my wardrobe.
Christmas and everything in that sparkly, jolly package.
Jeans. Because I don't know anyone who looks bad in them.
My sweet little Muffin doggie and the 20 years she spent with us.
Chocolate. 'Nuff said.
Sweatpants. You know you love 'em.
Good books that make you forget time and space and just melt into their pages.
Marriage. Mine, and yours.
Ice water. every day. everywhere. It comes with me.
Stella Dijon the Avalon.
St. Andrews and Catch the Fire. Because God has used them both instrumentally in my life.
For Martha. :) (Guilty pleasure.)
I know there's more than this on my list, but I'm getting a little crispy around the edges, so I think it's time to wrap it up. I'm thankful. For you, and you, and you, and you.
For Thanksgiving dinner! Hooray!